Darling and Daring Queen,
Have you ever felt trapped? Trapped in your own emotions, feeling like there is no way out and you don’t know how you got there? This is a Rapunzel moment, where you are high up in a tower, far away from everyone, isolated and yet desiring with all your heart to come down and interact with the world around you. The curiosity has you craving the connection, but the fear has you paralyzed. Here in enters the heart wall.
Has it been many years that you have been hidden away in a self imposed fortress? Or did your walls became erected so early on in your life you have no recollection of what it was like to live in freedom? Well the path of the wounded is often times a season of captivity.
When were the pivotal moments where you were so hurt, so afraid, that you made silent vows to protect yourself? Vows like "I'll never let anyone hurt me like that again" or "I'll never trust a man after what he did." Or the deep-seated beliefs that have become embedded in your heart: "There aren't any good men left" or "I'll never love another animal like I loved my last pet.” We make vows in our youth and in our adulthood and we have no idea that they are holding us prisoner. This is when we have erected what I call heart walls. These walls my clients have seen in prayer. They see their hearts and they’ve seen them hidden behind certain material such as; glass, metal, brick, wood and even leather. It is astounding to me that so many have had the exact same experience, but with different material holding their hearts hostage. And every time, they can pinpoint the exact moment the wall was erected, the trauma that necessitated its creation.
The Psychology of Heart Walls
From a psychological perspective, heart walls develop as a coping strategy. When we experience hurt, rejection, or other emotional wounds, we subconsciously put up barriers to avoid feeling that pain again. The purpose of the heart wall is to keep others at a safe distance and prevent further injury.
However, over time, these walls can become detrimental. They block us from fully connecting with others, stifling emotional intimacy and vulnerability. Even if we're not conscious of their presence, heart walls can create distance, misunderstanding, and resentment in a relationship.
The Spiritual Perspective of Heart Walls
When we take the time to identify our heart walls, we can begin the process of tearing them down. This involves acknowledging the pain or trauma that led to their creation, forgiving those who have hurt us, and allowing God to lead us to healing, safety and redemption of that part of our story. Only then can we experience true intimacy, both with our partner and with the Lord.
Tearing Down Heart Walls
Tearing down the heart walls can be scary, but ultimately the most rewarding experience. Those heart walls were once useful to allow us to survive a wounding experience, they served a purpose. But as time goes by they become weapons used to wound us, not protect us. Now you are more harsh then your spirit really wants to be. You can’t seem to connect with anyone in deep, meaningful ways. Your relationships with your girlfriends seem full of competition and jealousy. Your spouse doesn’t seem to understand you or get you. So queen, are you ready to let down your hair and come down from the tower? Are you ready to exchange the wounding, for the welcoming? Are you ready to be vulnerable, raw, real and authentic?
Just as Rapunzel was finally able to leave her tower and experience true freedom and connection, you too can break free from the prison of your heart walls. It's time to embark on a royal romance - not with a prince, but with your own true self. Once you are reconnected with your heart all of your relationships will shift and you will experience greater connection with those that you love. These heart walls are especially important to demolish between spouses. When we tear down these invisible barriers, we open ourselves up to see, hear, and fully experience one another in a way that was previously impossible.
If you're ready to identify and dismantle the heart walls holding you back, I invite you to schedule a session with me. Together, we'll uncover the root causes, understand the purpose these walls have served, and guide you through the process of removing them so you can step into the intimacy you've been craving. Your happily ever after is closer than you think - let's get started on your journey to freedom.
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